We Want "Real" — But Not TOO Real

My Adventures as a Spankin' New 70-Year-Old "Model"

I thought it would be fun.
And it was fun.

Until it wasn’t.

Like being a cocktail waitress.
Which I was.
All through college.

Fun — right up until the brutal, soul-sucking epiphany:

There were only two kinds of customers — assholes and assholes who tip.

EXIT. STAGE. NOW.

This winter, I decided to switch it up and move to the other side of the camera. I’ve been an art director, a casting director, a creative head … now a writer, an editor, creating content (oh I hate that phrase) and founder of Glorious Broads.

I needed a fun (did I mention fun?) break — a few hours a week — to ward off the times we are a livin’ in. Surrounded by actors, film makers, creative folk would be a welcome diversion from … IT.

I joined Casting Networks — took a few photos — a couple of videos — and pitched pitched pitched me me me … 30 minutes each morning. Not too much time as — I got stuff to do.

And boy did I find out — repping your SELF is a bitch!

I’d answer an ad for “60 to 70 year-old ‘pretty’ hands and wrists” — for a skin cream.

Sent it in.
I love my damn hands.
And I think ‘pretty.’

Nope.
Too “lived-in” was the verdict.

I’d answer an ad for a 60-70 year old neck and décolletage — skin treatment — not surgery — against my policy.

Nope.
Too “real” was the verdict.

I’d answer an ad for “Modern Trendy Grandmother”

Nope.
“Too young” was the verdict.

Guess they wanted “granny” — ya know — like the one in Beverly Hillbillies.

When they should have been lookin’ for Jenifer Lewis.

OH … DO THE STEREOTYPES PREVAIL

Now. I’ve gotten some work.
People who understand a modern looking contemporary Bitch over 65 …

It’s changing a bit.
But not enough … clearly … from my three-month experiment representing me.

I used to cast. I love the process.

And I work in the aging arena — I was the launching editor for Disrupt Aging for AARP — among other things — and my mission has always been to change the image of the BS stereotypes.

I think I do a damn good job of that.

But I mean it when my ads say “real looking.”
Not “Real … but not too real.”

Well — fuck it.

I’ve had it with representing my ass.
And I got me a PRO.

An agent who immediately said to me:

“They say they want age — but they really don’t mean it. My job is to educate them.”
— Vicki Sasso

SIGN ME UP!

First shoot — wrinkles and all — no god damn apologizing — “lived-in” features applauded.

And my 86-year-old bestie signed on, too.

This is what modern aging can be. And what it could look like!

Me and Liz

Isabella Rossellini. Jenifer Lewis. Hell, me.

Not only Vanilla Musk’s thankyouverymuch (had to get that in…) or Daisy Granny Moses…

Ready for our closeups, MX DeMille!

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Light ‘n Lively!

An Homage to

E. Jean Carroll

One hundred years ago we worked together. Well. We worked in the vicinity of each other. She’d swan in and out of Esquire — “a ray of sunshine” as my mum would say. I’d be slumped over the “light table” — editing — ha — remember light tables?

“Light and lively” — is how I’d describe her then …

And still do.

Quoting this glorious note she wrote to one of her subscribers, Betty, who was contemplating dumping E. Jean. In fact, I was thinking the same. The Substack and “fluffy emails” — too “light and lively” — were getting on my nerves while the world is collapsing around us.

And then …

E. Jean responded.

A portion from what she wrote Betty. And in a way … me:

“I pour gas on my anger.

And by gas, I mean laughter.

I reject the notion that being “light” and letting go with a big laugh is shallow and weak! I REJECT IT! Laughter is extremely profound. Indeed, as Tom Robbins said: ‘Nothing is more profound.’

A playful little shove in a Substack can lighten up your day. When you lighten up your day, you feel better. When you feel better, you can focus your anger. When you focus your anger you can take action against whatever Trump is burning down lately.” — E.J.C.

I love you E. Jean. And stand corrected.